Well, I've been struggling with art-block, throwing ideas into the air and letting it slip through my fingers, not finding anything palpable to use in my artwork for this semester.

Luckily, yesterday, after bouts of praying and bursting into tears, (believe me, all of us know art can be frustrating like that) God heard my cries of despair and opened my eyes to something that have been bugging me for my whole life; and that is the decaying of the world, our values, that whole saying that "nothing is as it seems." And that is so true.

I, and a whole bunch of other people, are living with that in South Africa. Forget the hype that after '94 we've reached the 'New South Africa' of equality and unity. Utter bullshit. I'm not gonna breach the subject, just know that I don't hate my country, I hate what it stands for and I'll never, and I mean NEVER put my trust in people, especially the president, they're people, just like us, and they fuck up. And that's where people get hurt the most - if you trust in other people. Basically, it's about how corrupt this shithole is, and I'm saying 'Fuck you' to people, and focusing on the right path.

I decided to make it a self portrait, which brings me to another point; Why a self-portrait? I always thought making a self portrait made you seem self-obsessed in a way, and I may have been right in some cases, and wrong in others. Maybe I think that way because I know a lot of self-obsessed people...? Besides, I don't Frida Kahlo was self-obsessed in any way, I think she saw her art as 'theraputic', because she painted a lot of personal things. And that is what I'm doing with my project.

I literally started crying as I drew last night, and I don't know if it was the caffeine or pure frustration, but through my struggles I pulled something out of myself and I literally bled all over the paper. (Which gives new maning to 'As my guitar lies bleeding in my arms' by Bon Jovi) - I was listening to that very album while I drew, and voila! God sent me Bon Jovi's music to scratch open the unhealed scabs on my soul and put disinfectant on it, so it could heal completely. I think I'm somehow starting a new chapter, or, more likely, a new book in my life. And yes, a self-portrait, because this my MY therapy session. I just can't see the painting in any other way.

Anyway, the project will be up before the 21st, hopefully it'll be completed successfully. Hopefully.

Wish me luck.